Monday June 10th

Weigh in :143.3lbs
Goal: 136 (7lbs away!!!)

I cannot believe that I weighed 21lbs more just a few months ago...I lost 21lbs! I am 7lbs away from being back in the "healthy range" it blows my mind! My goal is to lose one pound per week....and so far I have been averaging about 1 to 2 pounds a week which means  I SHOULD make my goal by the time I want (by August 2nd). Nothing is more motivating than seeing the number on the scale go down....

I am pretty sure my iron levels are beginning to suffer. I have in the past had low iron levels to the point where I needed infusions which was weird because I felt fine but now I am noticing a lot more bruising and everything goes white for a seconds after I stand or bend down and back up. I do eat meat but not very often....not because of my ED just because that's the lifestyle my family has. Well, maybe it is just me lol. My boyfriend loves meat but only eats it maybe 1-2 per week....I eat it maybe once a month and when  I do eat it, it normally is chicken (not a huge fan of red meat).

In other news, my anxiety is also getting worse. I used to be prescribed medication for it but I stopped taking it when I lost insurance and now that I have insurance again I should probably make an appointment and get back on it because it is beginning to get unbearable. I fear like I am scared of everything anymore. For example, we went to the beach out which is on the 4th level and Noticed I did not like the height (never used to bother me) I avoid elevators now ALWAYS take the stairs. Was terrified to go on any rides-again never used to be a problem. I am scared of eating alone in fear that I will choke. I am constantly scared of my child's well-being but that I think is a normal mother fear. We have been having a lot of tornado warnings recently and that is causing me anxiety to the point where if I see it it suppose to thunderstorm I panic, like I actually called out of work because it was suppose to thunderstorm and I wanted to be home in case a tornado did hit us. It is getting bad.

I also worry about my son's eating. He was always a good eater until he turned 2 then it was like he didn't want to be bothered. He says he is hungry but only eats one or two bites before saying he is done. He has had tests done and everything is normal. His iron levels are a little low but nothing is preventing his appetite which makes me think that even when he was 2 he sense how weird I was around food and now that I would say I am in a relapse doesn't help matters. Everyone tells me it is not my fault and that its a normal kid picky eater phrase but I guess that it ED right there-self blame...

Yes that is the first time I ever said/wrote that I consider myself in a relapse now.
well that's all for now...until next time