If you read this, you all know that my grandmom really isn't doing well.
Today was the worse by far. We walked in and she was crying, saying, "Why wont you take me home, why cant i come home?" We told her we want her home but she needs to get stronger first. She was very upset. Then it was dinner time...she didnt want to eat. I said you have to eat to get strong and come home. She replied, and I quote, "You are killing me, and all i have to do is die" I managed to get food in her mouth but she was spitting it out and when she left in there she fell asleep and I had to wake her up to tell her to chew and swallow. My aunt wanted me to feed her more but I was like no, shes out of it and if she chokes while im feeding her knowing how she is I woulnt be able to handle it.
Then she was seeing things, she saw a woman in front of her who wasnt there. She was talking to people who have died (which is another sign of death) I was really scared today. She is also very restless. She keeps pulling out her catherdor and tearing up her bedsheets and taking off her clothes...which apparently is another sign of death...
So now the question....Should I go home or should I stay here with my grandmom?
I want to go home because I dont want to see it happen, and I dont want to remember my grandmom this way.
I want to stay because I want to be there for her, I dont want to abandon her, I want to be able to say goodbye.
The delimna is which is the best choice? If I leave is it abandoning her and being cruel hearted or is it taking care of myself. You have no idea how hard it is to see someone like this everyday and arent able to do anything for them...
I do want opinions so what do you all think, should I stay or should I go?
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