About to POP

So, I told my mom about how bad things really are right now, and she told me to look into a homeless shelter, because i am not allowed in the house if all I am going to do is kill myself. She won't watch it and my disease effects her and the family too. Okay I get that, but seriously turning your back on me (when you know how i am still hurt by dad leaving) how is that going to help me? It's def just going to make my ed worse. And for once, JUST ONCE can MY ed be about ME and not the whole goddman family? I get it, you guys are effected, imagine how i feel though? I know I hurt you all. not on purpose but I did and I regret it but i cant do anything about it...but the reason why I have an ed, is because you hurt me too. Im just tired of getting the blame, its not like I wanted to live this way.