Officially hanging off the cliff

.....  (I did that because I honestly dont know where to start)

Well. update on my grandmom, her blood work came back horrible. She was again zoned out, like I dont even think she knew we where there with her. She kept trying to lift her head to grab something but nothing was there to grab. I grabbed her hands (she keeps trying to pull her oxygen out...and man can she squeeze, by the time we let go of hands my hands were red!) Nothing really changed though. She was suppose to get and MRI but she didn't. She had a cat scan yesterday, which told us she has been having mini strokes. And her stomach pain was because she had a severe uti which literally blocked her up and made her "full of shit (and urine)" But they put in a catheder and that allowed her to release 1600 of urine. (the tube for it though looked crusty-from the infection) She is still very dehydrated. Oh the infection is so bad that its causing her kidney to have failure. But she's one tough chick and im hoping that along with everything else she will be able to get through this.

So needless to say, i have been majorly restricting. Like major. My uncle confronted it tonight (just what I needed to be pushed over the edge) He said I "just need to eat and drink and take care of myself" and that and I quote "You're anorexia is breaking my heart" (said it and HE started crying) I told him I am sorry but everything just is wrong right now, I dont even think to eat. And when im faced with food im just not hungry. He wants me to eat things that I apparently make faces too. Ummm why would I eat things I dont like? I dont even eat things I do like haha. He told me that I have so much life ahead of me...I dont feel like its true i feel like my life is pretty much over. And how someone is meant for me and blah blah blah, I wasnt feeling lonely but now I do, so thanks for that!

Now MORE drama with my sister...she is coming up on Thursday to see mom mom and is she coming here? NO, shes going to the hospital then to my dads where my dad will drive her home the next day...kinda a stab in the back for the people who have been here for her, unlike my dad who magically became the hero after not talking to her for 7 years.

Sorry if  I repeated, or if I continued something that wasnt started, my head isn't on right anymore.