On the edge of a cliff

AHHHHH!

My life is nothing but sucky right now. I hate to blog when i feel like this but I dont know what else to do and I hate blogging about bad things, making my life seem a lot worse than what it is...but again i dont know what else to do.

So it all started about 2 weeks ago. First my grandmom's health went downhill and fast. She is not eating/drinking right.(we have to hand feed her now) She cant see or hear that great shes doing nothing but sleeping, she's completely zoned out. She keeps moaning like she is in pain but says she's not. Its hard seeing everyday let alone that it's going to happen in the house. But it's what she wants. It's just hard.

Then on top of that, my sister and her husband had planned me moving in with them to help with the baby. Well Will (her husband) decided to get a divorce, and sign custody over so he has nothing to do with the baby...He left, just like my dad to us. Oh and my sister has had a hard pregnancy, nothing but problems leaving her on bedrest, and yup will took all they money they had saved. My mom doesnt want a newborn in the house, and my sister can't afford her own place now so her options are 1. Give her up for adoption. 2. Move in with my dad. Which she is leaning towards...The thing with my dad he makes everything seem so wonderful its hard to say no to him. But in the end it never adds up, and she will be disappointed. He is saying he will help with the baby whenever she needs it, he can get her a job and she can use his car anytime....I dont see him sticking to his word now if he hasnt in the past. Plus if she goes there, 3 hours away from everyone if he is still drunk and violent! How is that a good idea???? And I was suppose to go home to help with the baby so if shes with my dad (which I refuse to even see at this point) then where does that leave me? I was totally forgotten in the plan. Luckily my mom says she will talk to my stepdad but shes been saying this for months now. I was starting to get better to have that baby in my life and I still wont have her there. I mean I know we can visit but its like if shes living there I dont even want to risk seeing my dad. I really dont see it working out.


I have been trying to figure a solution out for her but she doesnt want to hear it. I sent her links and shes busy playing games instead...my sponsor and my mom told me that I am making her problem as it is mine....I just dont want her or that baby with my dad...thats not a good solution, so I have to do something about it, problem is I CAN'T. I even said I would get an apartment and she can live with me, but considering my medical problems and treatment and everything they don't want me to.

I am feeling pretty hopeless and honestly I would rather be dead right now.

I even told my mom that I felt like I was on edge ever since sunday (drama with my dad...lead into a 3 day giving up phrase) Like I was on the edge of a cliff about to fall off. One more bad thing would push me over. Well now im hanging off the cliff. I still havent completely falling but im danging with nothing under my feet, that is how I feel. Keep the bad news coming and I won't even be hanging on anymore.

Oh and get this, my stepmom has posted on my sisters fb that "Family is always here and always will be" WTF...seriously you havent talked to my sister in 7 years, my grandmom in 3 and my uncle and I in 1yr...TOTAL FAKES and it pisses me off