Nutritionist Appointment....

So today, I texted my nutritionist (Joy) and told her that  I can't come for a second week in a row, well she wasn't happy with me, and said I can't not go again. So I ended up going but I was only there for maybe ten minutes, I told her the truth on why I didn't want to go (not wanting to get weighed) and she made it this big thing about her, that she's not this horrible person who will judge me if I did actaully gained weight. She said she is and my therapist is the number one cheering people behind me, and actaully wants me to gain weight. And that  I can;t not go just because I want to avoid the scale, then she threw it in my face and said, "Today im not even going to weigh you so there" haha. Then I said something to make her realize that I just expect this to go away. Like Ill just decide one day to not purge or restrict and that's it. So she told me a story about one of her other patients and said have "better bad days" Meaning, if I purge x amount of times each day then the next day lessen it by one, and she wants me to text her everyday now saying "I had a better bad day" or "Good day" or whatever. I said okay, she said, so im expecting at least 7 texts until I see you next time. I think she's honestly just trying to prove a point that she is my number one cheerleader at the moment. I don't know I guess I just really needed to let something out. Because I feel like my feet are somewhat back on the ground. Im not just floating around anymore. Like Im still depressed, i don't know maybe im just numb as I tried not purge today, and for me not purging means not eating. So im kind of in the numbing phrase right now. Honestly, I much rather be this way than depressed like I have been and for me purging doesn't numb me out AS MUCH as restricting (still does but im not sucidial tonight for like the first time in a month)