Going to the hardware store for bread

I love when I wake up to have a panic attack. Two minutes after I wake up, I get a text from my step-mom...yup they cancelled YET AGAIN. I'm tired of the excuses to not see me. I just want my dad to want to see me, to want to call me, to care about me and to love me. Is that so much to ask for from a parent? apparently. I honestly, can't do it anymore. If they don't want me in their life...wish granted. I can't keep doing this to myself. I'm done with calling them and trying when it's just not going to happen. Like that famous saying, "Going to the hardware store for bread" You keep going there expecting something will be different, expecting something you need will be there.


So I told my uncle why I was upset (as he gets mad when I leave him out of the loop) and he says, "Well i don't know what to tell you" and walks away....so again I don't know what people want from me...do they want me to share or to keep quite. nothing I do seems to be the right thing.

Then I found a support group for eating disorders, near work. And I asked my uncle what is the name of the building because they have groups there. Well he said, "You seem fine, and everytime I turn around you want something more for your ed.. first a therapist, then a nutritionist, now a doctor and groups" well ok yea I have groups, but I was going to face to face meetings before and its a lot different. I found a group around here called celebrate recovery and they didn't want me going because its not just for ed's. So ive been doing phone and online meetings but its not the same. I guess it's true I don't deserve the support that I actually need.