It's the Holiday Season

Wow, do i have conflicted feelings on the holidays..I know its stressful. Not just for me but for a lot of people. This time of year, everyone is a wreck because it's the time of the year where we have to think of others and not just about ourselves. We are forced to be happy. Then (for me) comments on my body, my food, how i eat, what i eat, how much i eat, etc. And then pictures...oh gosh. everytime I turn around someone wants a picture. Not that  I don't mind but pictures to me are just as torturous as scales.

Today and yesterday were complex is the best word to describe it. Everyone was on my case about eating and eating with me and coming with me to the bathroom (which not sure if I wrote this but I disappeared into a bathroom for like 10 mins to take a breather--not a good idea if you purge) but the good thing around this time is I realize how much my family cares. Not only because they are concerned but because they show it. It was non stop hugging from the min i walked in the door to the min I left. And it felt really good, I know it's just hugs but hugs mean a lot to me when the only hugs I ever get are the ones I get from my nutritionist once a week. And no, I take back the "it's just hugs" Hugs mean a lot to me. It shows people care, and i know im not really a touchy person but getting a hug is very comforting to me. I don't really know how to describe it =/

AS for an update with my dad...I feel guilty because I didn't call him to say happy holidays, but then again, why do I have to do it each year? I mean I know I SHOULD but out off 22 years, he can do it one time right? I am trying to tell myself that it is okay. It's better for me this way, because if I call he will play games with my head, ill get upset and ed and other behaviors will get worse. I haven't talked to him for some time now and even not talking to him is playing the games with my head as you can probably tell, I am going back and forth with my feelings just in the short paragraph =/