Who's in the driver seat???

Try having therapy online....I wasn't able to go in person and my therapist doesn't think that I am in a place where I can stop therapy. Well it didn't really feel like therapy. and it was way to distracting. I could check my mail, I could check my facebook, I can blog (yes therapy is going on) haha

Anyway I shared about how I feel like Im stuck. Like Joy shared a story with me, about falling in a hole. 1. you dont see it and you fall in and it takes long to get out. 2. you see it but fall in anyway, and it still takes time to get out. 3. you take a step to the side and still fall in and it takes a while to get out. 4. you walk on another road.

The point of me sharing this is I'm not sure where I am, but I know I keep falling in the hole over and over again and Im just trying to get out. The hole being ed...I know I have people who are trying to pull me out everytime but i feel like its just pointless right now because I will just fall in again. so why waste the energy?

I had a comment that made me feel like I was not sick enough today. It was about spiraling down and not being at the bottom and I explained how much I am restricting and then that person got "concerned" with my levels of restricting. I kind of freaked out saying that I have lost weight and you just cant tell-obviously ed jumped in the drivers seat....  I think this picture you can see that I am sick.Or rather, that I am struggling, but I still think I look healthy. and yet, I am obsessing over it I can't stop looking at it and where I can lose more weight at (stomach, theighs, arms, face, butt). Though everyone who has seen this is concerned and says I am now "scary skinny" which I dont, or ed, I don't know doesn't think this is true.