Last night my uncle decided to keep me up until 2:30..lately ive been in bed by 12. To talk about my ed. How I am 22 and need to take responsibility for myself. (this was about serving myself...which i can't do because i don't feel like its my home so im not going to help myself to their food...maybe ed. i dont know?). He was a bit concerned when I said I have full intentions to going back to being a vegitarian when I move back home...he says that is restricting myself....I dont think it is though. I just don't like eating meat. Ever since 9th grade and I disected that poor little piggy =( He and my mom want to talk to my therapist now...I asked why and he said, "I want to know what you talk about" uhhhh....she's not going to tell you that, butt out some!!!Oh he also mentioned that me going to support groups is an obsession...that when/if i go home that I shouldnt do family therapy or go to groups because it will "remind me of my weakest point" Well first...my family needs to go to family therapy to work on issues...and 2. since when is getting support a bad thing? When I go to a meeting, I don't feel alone, even if I dont act out doesnt mean I am not struggling.
I feel like Im being smothered. Like everyone is trying to control this. To control me from completely going downhill. To control me...Here's a tip for ya....if you control me or try to...I use ed more because it's something I can control...
It's so frustrating because this is MY problem and everyone else is butting in and taking it from me. Everyone needs to back away from me a little bit...Nobody even listens to me. Last night I kept saying I have to go to bed. I feel like I am being attacked and like im not good enough, maybe im taking it the wrong way because I am tried....But no, let's keep talking about what I still need to work on. HAHA he said "You gained a lot".....hmmm anorexic here...apparently my eyes got really wide when he said that because he then said "Not weight, I mean progress...not weight, cut me some slack"...ummmmm You want me to cut you some slack? How about you cut me some???
I really just want to be left the hell alone. There is no fricken need for him or my mom to talk to MY goddamn therapist. I feel like a little kid being checked up on. For christs sake im 22.
Oh my uncle also wants to talk with my mom when I go home for "do's and don'ts" I was trying not to laugh...no offense but he doesn't know a goddamn thing and I hope he doesn't talk to her. Like my mom understands that if I serve myself that I need to measure it. I can't estimate. I just can't...my uncle is completely against this.
Then he kept saying how horrible I would do if I were to go home....umm give me no credit...I did pretty damn well when I was home for week. But I guess that doesn't matter...
I also talked to my mom the other night. Crying...how this is my 1st niece and I am going to miss everything. How I am suppose to be in the delivery room and if she goes into early labor that I won't be there. My mom says she has a plan though. That I am worrying about nothing (laughing at me). That she will have a baby shower in July and she is expecting me to live in the area by then...hopefully. I want to be with my niece as much as I can be. I know greedy me.. .I want I want I want...
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