tell the truth

oh my lord...my aunt is driving me nuts. She is telling everyone "Oh she's doing good and is in remission".....REALLY? ummm whatever. I don't even have the energy to argue or to call her out on it.  I just sit there and shake my head. Last time I checked I was in bed ALL fricken day yesterday sleeping, and throwing up, my whole body sore but yeah im doing good????? it's just frustrating like ok I am not one to ask for any pity but its like can we not be honest about anything to anyone anymore? Yesterday I didn't exercise at all.I was lucky if I left my room at all, so today despite still being sore and weak I felt extremely lazy and needed to do something. So I tried to do some yoga, but that turned into an hour long workout. Then a break then another workout...I know im pushing my body over the limit, i know it, I feel it but i don't care. I dont want to die fat. I know thats harsh to say but i dont want to be. My friend and I got NG tubes together, so we could support one another, and we both needed them...she got hers a few days after I did but it was still my tube buddy....well she pulled hers out. So that pushed me over the edge and made me pull mine out too. Like why can she and I can't? I don't know it gave me permission though she knew I was tempted to do it for days and was trying to get me to promise that  I wouldn't...I did but it didnt do any good my doctor put another one back in the next day haha....so my therapist wants me back inpatient. Says, "We don't have time to waste to sit around and see if you can do it on your own or not...yes you did get on track but you were still losing weight. I understand you stopped using certain behaviors but it wasn't enough and now you are at a danger zone and we dont have that time anymore" SEE THAT???? WASN'T ENOUGH her exact words....never is. So she has been on my case. I told her I would call a few places but I haven't. And  I don't plan on doing it this week or next haha. She keeps calling and texting though to "remind" me. I don't think she was all that surprised when I called her today to cancel our session for Monday. oh well...she the thing that annoys me...it doesnt matter if i eat or not at this point I am still going to lose weight. I have another medical issue that people seem to forget about, that the only blame my ed for my weight when that's not my reality and I will not go into another center unless they treat both. And I stopped treatment for one, so...enough said. I also don't want to be wasting my time in a center...ive been to how many now and still here, stuck in this, so why try again? Especially if it's a "race against time now" I dont want to be there. I WANT to be HOME. SOMEONE PLEASE LISTEN TO ME JUST THIS ONCE. THAT'S ALL I WANT I WANT TO BE HOME