Be Gentle

I am a bit anxious today, I texted Joy today, asking if I am over eating. She said im not but I seriously feel like thats all i do anymore. So I told her im binging she said "no your not, if you want to consider it binges call them anorexic binges, because you still are not meeting your caloric needs"I guess it's hard not seeing her now. Which this will be week 3 without going to her. So I know I can call/text whenever but its different when she doesnt see my food log.I could of easily restricted today, my uncle/aunt went to go pick up my meds and I wasn't forced to eat, but I did, made it again on my own and ate it. It's scary but at least i dont have to lie and worry about them finding out the truth...

Anyway I ended up doing some stretches last night, who would of thought that something that simple could set me off...ALL DAY  today I wanted (KEY WORD wanted) to exercise. I just kept thinking, "yoga, cardio, dance" Then I stop myself, knowing that I can't do those things safely, i mean seriously all I did was some simple stretching last night and look where it put my head! it's so frustrating that it's all or nothing. I think this is something I will have to work on. Because in the past I know one slip meant failure so go back to ed. It can't be that way anymore, my health couldnt be more worse than what it is right now and my body can't tolerate it anymore. Im not saying "no slips up" I mean hopefully there arent any, im just saying if there are i need to be gentle on myself and realize a slip can be a slip not a relapse...but DAY 6 and going =)