Deaths

I have been reflecting a lot on deaths. I am trying not to take blame for someone dying, or regret anything, and im trying to just accept it and remember the good times I had with them...

1. My aunt Lou died of cancer which I was looking at pictures of her, around that time my eating disorder started (truns out to be 6 years not 8) Anyway, I am trying not feel guilt. I didn't go to her funeral. She lived two hours away from me and my jerk of a dad wouldn't come get me to bring me. I only have one thing from her, which is a stuffed bunny and I remember getting so mad when my dog thought it was toy and I freaked out...Luckily no harm was done to it. Today I was laying in bed (crying again) hugging this animal. I miss her, and I would love to be able to talk to her one more time.

2. Yesterday was Kelly's Birthday...Kelly was a girl from laureate died almost a year ago from her eating disorder. It's weird because I remember talking to her, and now I can't. The last time she spoke I just got out of treatment and she was going in, and she messaged me "I'm going back ip, any advice I would love" I didn't write back. I know it probably wouldnt of made a difference but I can't help to think that if I did write back, maybe it would of kept her from purging, even just once, that one time maybe saving her life.

3. Miss. Buzy She also died of cancer. She was an amazing woman. She was a staff member at my school andI would often confide in her (not knowing about her cancer until she passed away) she was so warm hearted. She always put everything done to help someone out, even if it was just a listening ear.

4. Uncle Jim also a victim of cancer.  I didn't talk to him much but I do remember at family gatherings him always being the one who gets someone to laugh. Often by teasing another family member, but he didn't care as long as he got one person to smile.

In honor of these amazing people who didn't deserve to die. I miss you and will forever love you.

P.S one more reason why I HATE cancer