This thought has been boggling in my head lately. I told denise this, she sort of laughed and said, "Honey, You are defiently anorexic, why do you feel this way?"
My answer, "well because if I was truely anorexic, then this recovery thing would be a lot harder. I feel like it's easy, Now working on 3 weeks of ed free and I only had a few urges to cut, and to restrict. Just a few, not everyday..."
She told me this was ed itself trying to sneak back in. She also mentioned how yes I am doing a good job, but the thoughts are all still there the planning out, just not acting on it. And I am still restricting, I am eating my meal plan, but my meal plan is bare minimal, even if it is considered minimal, My N tells me that she would go to "Dietician Jail is any other nutritionists saw the plan she gave me. But she wants to go slow, she doesn't want me seeing the plan I should be on when I am not ready and I get overwhelmed. She also said it might seem easy, because I actually want it now. I have motivation where before I didn't. I know I did well at Laureate, my last month stay, but the entire time I was thinking, "Ok do now good now so you can get discharged and go back to the way you want" (laureate is the type of center who keeps you there longer if you struggle and not like Renfrew who kick you out) But my motivation, I need to do well so I can go home and be a part of that baby's life. Get back home and live my life, get on my own two feet for the first time....
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