Update

So today I slept a lot. I was literally in tears yesterday for 5 hours. I attempted to act out, didn't reallly work out besides skipping my night snack. I woke up this morning, frozen in my bed. Staring at the wall, my uncle walked in...told me to get out of bed. I told him I just want to be stuck in the misery for a little while...he said no. Get up, Call Jenn...So I got up, called her, cried again, she said what I thought she was going to say, how I have no power over this and things can change from now to then. and its not worth losing my sobriety for something that might not happen...So I ate and stayed on the phone with her after so I couldn't purge...Then I went back to sleep. Woke up for dinner, did that same exact thing. She made me realize that yes, this is the reason why I was doing better, but slipping back into ed right now, would not help anything...if anything it will make this situation the way that I hoping it won't turn out to be. So last night a slip, but I guess im still in recovery, as I did everything today...not sure if I still have 2.5 weeks or now I have to start all over again?

Anyway, I texted Denise, last night. I was in a very bad place....she texted back 5 pages, asking how I was and she knows i am terribily disappointed but things seem to always work out in the end. And I will be there for the baby, I dont remember the rest it was a lot...I didn't write back. Around 6 she texted me again, saying, " I haven't heard back from you and I hope you are okay and that today was better than yesterday"

Oh and my mom...not sure if I wrote this last night. But last night I called my mom, having a panic attack, clearly crying and grasping for air...She tells me "idol is back on, I have to go" WTFFFF??? anyway, she messaged me today asking how the rest of the night went...like she really cares...anyway I told her  "I isolated. I was in my room crying the entire night"She said "You dont want to isolate, journal or collage, anything that will help, also dont worry about it, I know it is disappointmenting to you but it might not happen, and things always seems to work out for the best...hang in there, all your hard work will pay off-i promise".....uhmmm I did journal. but im sorry I dont like crying in front of others and last time I cried in front of my uncle he forcebily grabbed my face to see the tears rolling down my face. So I refuse to go through that again (kind of set me up for a flashback from dad hitting me) Which I told her I wont cry in front of him and I couldnt hold it in anymore...and promise??Last time I checked you still didnt want me home and I have no other options unforutnely as I am unable to work =/