I think, no I know I am overly sensitive. Not just right now, all the time and it seems like everything is 10x worse when I am stressed. With the death in the family and the moving thing and not working just everything is getting to me. It is annoying. I wish I could stop it. I think I upset a friend, and now I am super paranoid thinking she is ignoring me, because she does this and that and blah blah blah...(that is my head just an fyi)
These bills are stressing me out...normally I wouldnt think about it and just pay it..but it always seems like unexpected bills comes in when you aren't working...Laureate plus my infusions totals up to $772.00 That is a lot of money, especially if you aren't working...I mean I do have it, but I don't want to take all out that with no income going back in as I still have my monthy bills to keep up with, so I don't know what to do. It just sucks because this is a result of my health from 2 years ago and now I am legitmetly trying to get better and just seems like I am being tested on how much stress I can handle. I dont know. I just don't understand why I am getting bills now if this all happened two years ago....
I had therapy on Monday and I don't remember the whole conversation but I do remember her saying, "What is in your huge bag?" Yea I am one of those girls who have enormous bags...then she asked, "Food?" I know she didn't mean anything about it and she laughed about it, but take a note, you are talking to an anorexic and when she said that I felt like the biggest fat ass. And days later it is still on replay in my head. Like, "Why did she say that? Because I am fat, so fat that people think I carry food with me all the time." Again I know she didn't mean to do this to me, i am just wondering why she said that. Maybe I should mention it because it is playing with my head big time...
My ex contacted me on facebook, again...My ex...lied about his age, had a wife and 3 kids that he forgot to mention to me...I know I feel disgusting and stupid and dirty, whichever words you want to use I am sure I feel the same way...anyway, I dont think he has any reason to be contacting me. I really rather not deal with his wife...when we talked she was mad, which is understandable and she wasn't really mad at me but that didnt stop her for throwing every word at me...she ended up calming down and telling me that HE told her that, "I am a pop pilling crazy anorexic dying"....um okay...yea anorexic...maybe the things I do are crazy but I am not crazy, and pop pilling...because I took my meds to not get seizures....anyway, I want to know what he wants but I know I can't go there. I dont want to be the continued reason for a broken family, I know how it feels to grow up without a parent around, I can't do that to his kids. And for my health...it will only play games with me. There is just no reason for me to talk to him. So I am ignoring it at the moment. I feel bad though, I know what it feels like to be ignored and its not a good feeling and I hate that I might be doing that to someone else but...it's just best for everyone...
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