babbling

Today I did okay, food wise. I was having a good body image day and decided to eat, 2 meals and a snack. Im sure ill regret it tomarrow when I feel like a balloon. I did almost purge today but I decided to call my sponsor instead and she stayed on the phone with me. Even though we didn't really talk for the last 10 mins. She didn't want me to hang up because then I would go and purge so that was nice, to know that she cares that much to be on the phone and not talk haha. 

It was brought to my attention how much eds are misunderstood. That they are "diseases of choice" I wish my anorexia was a choice, because then I could stop. I mean I know in the end, I am the one doing the actions but when im in my ed. its not me. It's like something took over my mind and body, its not me. How therapists drop you if you don't do what they say, if you aren't doing good. its like a punishment for something we can't control, or control yet anyway...

Anyway I didn't go to work today (again) I ended up collapsing last night and they told me to take today off. Things are getting annoying, im missing like 2 days a week now, so i guess its better if  I do go part time, considering...but i have to still work. 

My sister and I talked today, she is looking at a place on Wed. It's an apartment though. So I will have to share a room with a 2 yr old but its only for a little while. I woke up to a text from her today saying "Just please don't die on me" I honestly don't know what to say to that considering the circumstances. 

Last night at work, I had two people ask me out. John and Kevin which is nice, but I don't like them like that (well maybe John but my cousin made it clear to stay away from him) and it's like "why now???"