Rambling

Today, I am actually okay with my body. I mean I think I look thin. I can see see where I would like to lose a few more pounds but for the most part I am enjoying my body today. I am obsessing over my bones though, I don't want them to disappear, so I think about them and touch them to stop myself from eating, anymore. I did eat today, twice. in fact, and kept it in thus far. Though I REALLLLY would like to exercise more than usual today, and I did take laxs last night that still haven't worked =/ Which Joy tells me they don't work anymore because there is nothing in my stomach. which is crap, there is stuff in my stomach. I think they dont work because I take them everyday so now its like they only work every 2-3 days =/ I also have noticed that I am losing a lot of hair. I mean losing hair never really stopped yet but it just really kicked in the past few days. It's no longer strands, its clumps, and my aunt who doesn't know how to keep her mouth shut says, "Oh look you have a bald spot" Which I said it was always there I guess I just didn't hide well today. Then she goes out and comes home with a hair extentions for me. Which I guess I should be thankful for, but I just shot her a look and had to walk away. I was sleeping all day today. I guess I over worked my body this past or week or something but I don't know how as I was sent home from work early two days and had one day off. So that is a bit confusing...

Oh it snowed here last night, massively. And my aunt has a thing about driving in the snow. So if there is still snow on the ground by monday, I might not be going into see Denise. We will still have a session just not in person, and I hate that. I feel like I can't talk if its online or on the phone, I am scared someone will see/hear. Plus I think I really have to give her my meds/razor things like yesterday. haha So I don't know if I can keep them here in my room for another week without doing something. I would take them to Joy instead but I dont see her for another two weeks as she was booked. So im not sure what I will do. And I still have to find something to say to my aunt when she sees me taking them to  Denise and leaving without them =/ I def cannot tell her oh I abused them while I was here and I want to overdose 4 out of 7 days per week. This whole snow thing kinda sucks, I mean I know I am moving in a few months, but chances are we will snow so I wont be able to see Denise. Which I am nervous enough transitting back home, going a little while without a therapist until I find a new one (one back home refuses to take me on again as she doesnt want to sign my death cerfitcate) But denise says she will help me find one, and until then she will still do phone sessions with me as she knows that I am not in a place where I cannot have a therapist. I feel like I will always need a therapist haha


Oh I also woke up this morning with this pretty thing on my leg...NO idea where it came from, so if you have any ideas, please let me know so I never wake up with another one as they aren't that pain free haha

Okay haha im just rambling now