I might act like a 2 yr old today

Today is a big day for me, I have my weigh in...Last week I gained 6lbs and I am freaking out about it. I really hope I lost this week, but I know how much I would of liked to lose is like impossible in a week unless I did have water retention. I know my team wants me to gain weight, I know  =/ I am awake, I exercised all night until  my grandmom woke up so from 2 to 830 ish (on gmom duty again which means I am on my own for meals...and I can't seem to bring the fork to my mouth today) I was standing in the front of the mirror a few minutes ago and I honestly don't see if I lost even a pound, I feel like I gained twenty, so I am a bit nervous to see what my weight is today, but I feel like I HAVE to know. I feel like this could make or break me. I have been trying not to purge, still restricting but I dont think enough to do anything. If that number went up I seriously might explode, I might scream, and cry and storm out of my appointment. I have a feeling that my nutritionist caught on how much it effected me last week. As I texted her everyday asking if this or that could make me lose and if she thinks I am really that number. So I have a feeling that she won't even let me get on the scale today, which is probably a good thing but I NEED to know it this week.

I talked to my sponsor and she was pretty harsh today. Told me that I need to eat breakfast as I already skipped it. Said I am taking a step back from the days I haven't purged. If I don't eat now, im more likely to purge tonight. She said I might not even get weighed today. So taking a step back isn't worth the possibilty of stepping on a scale. I told her, "Yea, but I don't know if I can do it today" It's already set in my mind that I won't eat, and once its in my mind, there's no point really trying to convince me otherwise. She said she will give me a half hour to pray and read the ABA book and she will call me back, and if I can't she will try to help me through it again. She is even trying to convince me that I don't eat that much. Said my yougurt is like 3 oz and it won't effect my weight in 3 hours. But it will. I will be heavier with something in my stomach opposed to nothing, and she said, " Im a doctor I know" haha.She also said, "You already screwed up today, I mean I am not trying to be serious when I say that but I am saying that is what ed will say, and that is why you are more likely to purge dinner later" Honestly if the weight is up again is why I would purge later, not because I didn't eat this morning...