Thoughts

How would you react if someone were to tell you that you have 6 months to a year left for living? Would you change anything about your life right now, say if you couldn't help but dying? Would you treat people differently? would you tell them, "Hey yea, im dying"? Or would you keep it to yourself so they don't change how they are with you? Would you let people know how you feel about them? Would you quit your job and do the things you always dreamed about? Would you be happy? Sad? Angry? Just wondering.

Anyway, I think I may have broken, or dislocated my pinky tonight at work..I wasn't paying attention or lost my balance or something and slammed a cart against the machine with my finger in between the two. Immediately I couldn't bend it, now I can but it still hurts. And its red and swollen, my cousin and uncle looked at it and they say it looks like my knuckle popped out of the socket as my finger is like an inch away from my other fingers. haha


Speaking of my uncle...he apologized for last night, which I suppose is good, but once im hurt, i put a wall up. Words are permenant. They are like tattoos on your heart. He gave me a hug and I pulled away. And I haven't really spoken to him since. besides, "hi".  I am pretty sure he saw my cuts on my arm but he didn't say anything about it yet...and I texted Joy saying, what he said and how I might stop going, she said, "I hope he didn't influence you, it's not a good time to quit, things take time and I was worried about not seeing you for two weeks (she was full) instead of one week away and now I may never see you again, I don't think it's a good idea for you to stop right now, please think about it" well Okay I mean I don't really want to stop, I want to be able to see my weight, plus going to her gives me a plan so I know if I eat how much isn't overboard and it's like a therapy session. She is more of a therapist than a nutritionist (just without the degree) and it gives me a balance. Like when I see denise I feel like I can breath again, then 2-3days pass and I can't and I see Joy and it releases everything again. I feel like they are the only safe people I have to talk to right now. Anyway, I don't think the choice is mine, really as I have stupid seizures and can't drive there on my own. But now I have a feeling that if I tell my uncle, "I am not going to Joy anymore" it's going to be a problem, like what the hell Im damned if I do and Im damned if I don't