It is what it is....(trigger warning)

So my uncle confronted me today. So I already feel like this day isn't going to not so much fun...

My cousin walked in when I was purging last night and told my uncle about it. Of course ed finds a creative lie to cover itself up. I said, "I was blowing my nose and throw it in the toilet(when she saw I was facing that way) and the bathroom smelled like vomit because there is a bug going around, everyone seems to be sick." He said but it smelled like your drink" I said, "Well last time I purged (or was caught purging) I told you the truth why wouldn't I now?" Then he started talking about me being home, how if the food isn't made for me, and placed in front of me, how I wouldn't eat. I said, "I was home last week, most of the time by myself and I did" Which I did, I mean I still restricted but I did eat...My meal plan right now, is restricted, I know it is because my nutritionist doesn't want to give me the plan I should actaully eat because she is trying to ease me into things and is trying to lessen the amount of times I purge. But I did follow my plan when I was home for the most part...Then my uncle is concerned because he knows something is bothering me as I am crying a lot. But I don't know what to tell him because I don't know what is making me cry. And he says, "I think something happened, because you quit smoking and now you are back to smoking, you were doing so well" Well yes ok I know, I do want to stop again, but with everything going on, it's another stress remover. I don't really like smoking, but it makes me feel like I can breath again. I just feel overwhelmed. I feel like when someone has concerns they don't say anything until they have to many concerns. I think they should come to me with one at a time, not all of them at once, because it's overwhelming for me and I am the one who is trying to get better. And the feeling, of not being accepted or not being good enough comes up which is always hard to deal with.

...so now I am feeling guilty that I lied and how do I make that go away?? I use ed again. Anyway, it's non of her business. It's my body. It's my ed. People need to back off. I mean I get that she was concerned, but seriously then come to me about it, don't go telling everyone else, than me waking up to a lecture and ruin the next day too. So I am thinking of confronting my cousin but that just make matters worse, as my uncle im not sure totally believes the lie. And getting that defensive and mad will just make him read more into it.

Anyway I can see now that ed is being defensive and that is why I am pissed. I mean I know they know I am struggling, they have for a while now. I just hate being confronted about it. And I hate being talked about. Like if you have an issue or concerns for me, then grow up and talk to me, don't tell on me...