Today

Today, I was on grandmom duty again and I talked to my sponsor I really think she may be giving up on me on trying to help me get to recovery. She asked how I was emotionally and food wise. I told her that I purged everything yesterday and only ate a salad today, she went mute , didn't try to convince me to eat something else because she knows it's pointless.

Work was okay. Apparently craig thought it was funny that I cried last night and told everyone about it. Which is embarrassing but in the end it shot him in the foot. People are apparently protective of me, or really want him fired. So everyone asked what happened so they could report it. I said not to bother, im over it. I probably cried for no reason, im just in a fragile mindset right now. Actually, I think tonight went better, because I wasn't working with him, I mean I was but there was another guy working with us tonight and craig well he is lazy so another person helping means he doesn't have to do anything and if he doesn't do anything he has nothing to get mad about which means I won't be the target for his anger.

I came to the point, where I just don't care anymore. I don't care what people do or say to me anymore. I am not going to be stressing out for the time I have left living. If they want to be there for me, great, if not, They are they ones who will regret it once im dead. I think I am starting to distant myself anyway. I don't want to get close to someone for them to just get hurt. Like Trina, I know would cry, she has, and I love her to death and I promised that I am not leaving but in the end i don't want the pain to be worse for her. If I distant myself from her maybe, she will forget about me, what we had and it wont hurt as much, less tears. And I can't help but to think, certain people will have regret for not being there for me now or in my past, I don't think they realize that time is literally running out. But I suppose that is out of my hands. They will have to deal with it, not me. I just don't want a funeral saying how great of a person I was if they don't even know me, didn't care to even try to know me...