Therapy

Well today I feel therapy actually did something for me. (more so than usual)

We didn't talk about treatment. So that was good, I was kind of mad at denise when I first walked in because I was going to purge but she went to the bathroom. So I went in her office and she said, "Why aren't you looking at me" Haha so I told her, "well I was going to purge but then I saw you walking in the bathroom and thought 'damnit denise'" haha

We somewhat talked about Cole (molestation) but I got quiet and I assume she realized that it's still a touchy subject to actually talk about, and she dropped it and talked about work.

I also shared my letter to my dad with her. And she said it's appriate and maybe will give me some relief. I don't know what to do, I don't want to start more things with him. I don't think he will respond to it but if he does I see it being a fight. But I told denise, "I think I have enough respect for him still to tell him in a letter why I won't be calling anymore, rather than feeling like I am ignoring him" Then I shared it with my aunt and she wants me to send it. So to my readers...what do you think I should do???
Here's what I wrote,


Dad, 
I'm not sure why we aren't talking. I know the reasons why I stopped calling. I tried to make things work. I've made plans over and over again to get blown off each time, and every time it hits hard. So I'm wondering if it worth my recovery, my health anymore. I know we didn't talk over the holidays, because I didn't call, but a phone can work both ways. It is not just my responsibilty to reach out to you, you can pick up the phone and call me once in a while...holidays or not. When you didn't wish me a happy birthday (which if it is because I didn't call on Thanksgiving, is very immature) I know it's not that big of a deal to you, but it is to me. Not getting a birthday wish from a parent was like you didn't want me born. Or you forgot about me, or both. I know you are going to blame me for how our relationship has turned out as last time I confronted you at renfrew you said I was just like my sister and im ruining things...but honestly look at the facts. How is it everyone else when you don't talk to anyone? Your kids, your brother, and your mom...I really hope you open your eyes soon. You are missing out on your children's lives, your grandkid's life, and time is running out with your mom. Normally I would just let this go and bottle it up, but you effect more people than you realize. Your mom sat here and cried for hours when she received your holiday card because she knows, "Can't wait to see you soon" isn't going to happen. I still want my dad, I always will and I thought something was wrong with me, but seeing how you effect your mom I know it's not. I just really hope you come to your senses, before it's too late 

Until things change 
Stefanie


Suggestions would be much appricatated =)

Update...the letter is in the mailbox...not saying it will be there still tomarrow morning but i guess that is still a step forward

Work...work was boring. All people are talking about is this layoff thing, which I am trying  very hard not to worry about it until it happens. As I don't know if Ill be effected...but anyway work was boring. My boss wasn't in so nothing was accomplised which is effecting my self worth tonight.
So I was talking to someone tonight, and she was asking me what im doing to stay so thin, and stupidly I tell her the truth and she says, "I should do that too then" Which well I felt like she was taking over my ed.like stealing it from me.  But then I felt guilt. Like if she does what I do, and something happens to her...it's my fault. I feel so stupid like I should have known when she was asking questions about foods I eat what my weight is, etc.