Here we go again. Went to work and cried...again. Seriously why am I crying so much. i don't know but it's annoying. I talked to my mom today and I feel like I am just not good enough for her. With everything. I just want to be accepted. For where I am in my so called disease. She wants me to be normal, and I want to be normal to but it't just no possible. I won't be normal. I have a ed. She expects me to never have a bad day which just isn't fair to me. I just feel like her expectations are too high. This whole converstation started when I asked, " will I be able to be home when the baby is born?" She didn't say yes, she didn't say no. It is my sister's first baby, I HAVE to be there. So i cried. my sister happened to call me and said I need to be there, so maybe i could stay at her place for a few weeks. So I can see before/durning/after. I just feel like that little girl or boy isn't going to know who their aunt is, because im too selfish to get better and let go of ed.
Anyway...my sister is looking like is having a girl. Still too soon to know, but the heartbeat is 174/min which is high and higher heartbeats tend to be girls =) and it's healthy she is due august 14th. Names will be Adrianna Corinne, or Gullimero (spanish for william) but will be called Jr. And I was the first one to see pictures of the ultrasound =) I am sooo excited. It is one thing I need to have hope in.
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