updates

So I saw Joy on Thursday, And she made a comment for me to exercise more, instead of purging. She also said, "I don't think you can do 100 jumping jacks" I said defensively, "Yes I can, I do cardio everynight for 3 hours" Well it's been playing with my head, so I texted her last night asking if she doesn't think I can because im not in shape...she texted back. "No I said I can't. And I dont really want you doing that, as your not eating enough to maintain a good sugar level, and I worry about you passing out" So ed really twists things around...and I know I posted about the baby being a motivator and doing well now so it's not as hard when I move...it's not working out. Ed convinced me to lose more weight now since I won't be able to in a few months =/

Anyway, update on moving, my sister is looking for a house with a finished basement that will be my area. So that is pretty cool.

We are having a lot of people getting laid off at work. And I am a temp which my cousin says, temps have to go first before the people who are hired...So I was freaking out last night, thinking what am I going to do as I know I won't be able to get a job right away when I move because of the time of the year. And I still have bills to pay and rent im sure will be higher when i move. So I confronted my boss and he said they have a contract with the union saying if they layoff temps are okay to stay, AND he is fighting for me and one other temp to stay. So that makes me feel really good. But a little guilty as he is fighting for me and not knowing im leaving in a few months.

Then I wrote a letter to my dad. Im not sure exactly why as nobody told me to do it. Now I am debating if I should send it or not and I keep thinking I have to add more etc...if I do it it has to be perfect...as I am not doing this again . I mean I know this letter isn't going to change him. The letter I sent to him when I was Renfrew did nothing. But I know his actions aren't effecting just me. It's effecting a lot more. And that's not okay with me. Like my 86 year old grandmom def does not deserve this. And time with her is limited so I feel like I have to do something. if not for me, for her.

So as you can see, my head is playing a lot of back and forth games lately. I just don't know what to do about a lot of things right now and it's pissing me off =/